Category Comedy

In which Testikles has A Night On The Town, and the Cackling Chasm Falls Silent.

The decision to accompany Milo to Poumad’s Emporium proved to be… interesting. Jeoff watched attentively as Farroukh – the long-suffering shopkeeper that Milo insisted on calling “Poo-mad” – caught sight of the little halfling, and blanched. “You!” said the swarthy storekeeper, scowling through his bushy beard. “What are you doing in my shop? Are you […]

In Which Jeoff Moonlifter Investigates A Mould And Speaker Crannock Loses A Desk But Keeps His Head…

(Contains adult language. Yeah, so what’s fucking new there?) Speaker Crannock was a bit of a cunt in Milo’s opinion. He couldn’t even give them the promised golden chamberpot because it was still full of shit. He’d promised to clean it, but according to him, it couldn’t happen without his servants. And where were the […]

In Which Milo Throws A Tantrum And The Party Accidentally Defeats A Conspiracy…

For whatever reason, Jathara was desperate to get back to Caer Koenig. She made out it was about the goats, but Milo figured she was shit-scared after the way they’d messed up all the duergar and that fucking Ogre Zombie. Scared or not, though, she still wasn’t going to get herself a pig tatt, no […]

CAUTION: CONTAINS GRAPHIC DESCRIPTIONS OF A SOCIOPATHIC HALFLING POWER-SHITTING ALL OVER A SHOP BECAUSE HE DOESN’T LIKE THE OWNER VERY MUCH.

(Yes. It’s another recap of a gaming session. I’m in formal isolation with Covid-19, and we had another gaming get-together courtesy of the Internet, and dear God one of the other players is absolutely the WORST…) For a complete idiot, Testikles had a distressing habit of being extremely difficult to manipulate at times. If only […]

The Crone and the Cauldron

(More recounting of RPG adventures as our little gang of misfits and morons blunders through Icewind Dale) The tracks led away from the ferry, through the newfallen snow into the town proper. They must have been made sometime during the night, for the passage of day travellers had not yet made them unclear. Even the […]

The Freezing Point Of Poo

More adventures of my current gaming group, floundering cheerfully and violently through Icewind Dale… The triumphant return to Bryn Shander was a bit less triumphant in the end, Jeoff felt. They had Testikles out front of their little caravan, pathfinding through the snow on his huge gods-damned pig – but as the snow got heavier, […]

Russell’s Teapot

— by Dirk Flinthart “Is that..? No. That can’t possibly be what it looks like.” Untermeyer frowned at the glossy photo on his desk, and pushed it aside. “It’s some kind of a hoax. A prank?” Mieke faked a cough to cover her gasp of indignation. “Ahhh… no, sir. I wouldn’t do that to you, […]

Straya On The Moon!

So apparently Australia is getting it’s very own Space Agency. Who knew? If only it had happened earlier. Perhaps this story — written, I think, while I was at least partly drunk — might have been closer to the truth… The year is 1973, in an alternate universe. Here, America very sensibly decided that a […]

Australian Government To Install Arse-Recognition Systems In Public Toilets

In a press release today, Mr Dink Halfwit of the Australian Department of Computerising Things That Really Shouldn’t Be Computerised announced the forthcoming installation of biometric recognition systems in public toilets all over Australia. “We’re already setting up to do this at airports using facial recognition,” he said. “But why stop there? After all, there […]