Research: Some People Just Don’t Wanna Be Helpful

I recently got ‘friended’ on FaceBook by somebody who I very quickly pegged as a scammer. Eh, not to worry. Why not? So — here’s the exchange of messages that followed once I accepted the ‘Friend’ request. I have reduced the scammer’s ID to a set of initials because — well, even scammers have feelings, right?

__________________________________________________________________

  • Conversation started Tuesday
  • JHK: HI dirk

    thanks for accepting my friend request

  • Dirk Flinthart
    10/20, 6:09pm

    Dirk Flinthart

    No drama.

    Hmm. Wait. I’m Australian.

    That translates as follows “no drama = no big thing”

  • JHK: Thanks for accepting my friend requested. Its really nice seeing good and nice people here on Facebook. My name is J__, Your name look so familiar but i don’t think if we have meet before but do have a friend that answer’s this name. I think Facebook is a place to meet good people anything and we can get to know each other as much as we can..

  • Dirk Flinthart
    10/20, 6:11pm

    Dirk Flinthart

    Not right now, though. I’ve got to pick up a kid. Adios!

  • JHK: I can see u live in Brisbane Au.. I am single

    ok

  • Dirk Flinthart
    10/20, 6:12pm

    Dirk Flinthart

    BTW: you’re not doing very well. Nobody else answers to “Dirk Flinthart”. I’m the only one. Please don’t pretend you might know me. You’re using a photograph of a woman who really does not appear to be 66 years old, and using English with a certain amount of uncertainty. I’m afraid I’m not convinced by “JHK”.

    If you really wanna be ‘facebook friends’, chill. Read what I post. Post your own stuff. Interact. But that’s as far as it goes.

  • JHK: what do u mean

  • Tuesday
  • Dirk Flinthart
    10/20, 10:39pm

    Dirk Flinthart

    Honestly?

    I’ll be frank. I’m a writer. I work to raise my own profile. It’s part of what writers do. You want to ‘friend’ me? Fine. I’m in. Hell, I quite like meeting new people, even online. But, “J–”

    1) Your FaceBook birthdate is 1949. That makes you 66 years old. The photo you use depicts a woman of no more than 30, maybe 32 years of age. That makes you either ridiculously vain — or a liar.

    2) You claim you live in Illinois, USA. You note I live in Brisbane (I don’t, by the way) but your first line of communication tells me that “you are single”. Really? You imagine I’m desperate enough (hey – check my posts, will you? Wife and three kids. I love them all) to get excited about a woman on the other side of the world and her marital status?

    2) You claim you live in “Orland Park” Illinois. You claim to come from “Orlando, Florida”. You claim to have studied at Centro Escolar “Dr Orlando de Sola”. Gee, that’s a mighty coincidence of “Orlands”, isn’t it? Especially as the last of those three is in El Salvador. Seriously?

    3) Then there’s your English. I’m not going to go into details (unless you want to pay me as a professional consultant. I do that sort of thing on request) but this sentence: “Your name look so familiar but i don’t think if we have meet before but do have a friend that answer’s this name.” sounds like something straight out of Nigeria. Not the USA. Not El Salvador. Nigeria.

    So here’s how it is: I’m sure you’re a con artist. A scammer. And you know what? I don’t mind. I don’t care. I find it interesting. I would love to be your friend — but in the sense of true friendship, because the chances of me sending you so much as a counterfeit dollar are pretty much zero. But I like con artists, and I like scammers. Why not? I mean, what’s a writer of fiction if not a paid liar? I’m really curious about how con artists and scammers operate, and I’d love to hear from you if you’ve got something to tell me about the game.

    No. I’m not a cop. I’m not interested in reporting you or arresting you or anything else. But you know what? I am a liar. I am a professional liar. I am good at it, and I usually know when people are lying to me — and you’ve been lying since the first moment you contacted me.

    I don’t mind, like I said. But it won’t get you anything in terms of money. On the other hand, if you actually want to try being friends?

    Yeah, I’m in. I’d love to have the chance to talk with someone in your line of work. I think it’s fascinating. And I think anybody stupid and unwary enough to fall for it is fair game, so no, I won’t interfere with anythng you want to do.

    I won’t recommend you to any of my friends, though. Not unless I get some truth out of you first.

    So: the ball’s in your court. You can answer honestly, or you can pack up your toys and piss off, maybe find somebody more likely to believe in “JHK”.

    Your choice.

    _____________________________________________________________________________________

    Tragically, I have as yet had no reply. Did I say something wrong, do you think?

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2 comments

  1. I am not a scammer.

    1. Uh huh. Sure. Hey — did you ever manage to get that ill-gotten fortune of yours out of war-torn Syria? Or was it Kazakhstan? I can never keep that stuff straight…

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